


footnote

by orphan_account



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Light Angst, M/M, or maybe just angst angst, who knows - Freeform, word vomit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-28 10:18:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17785541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: this may be the last time they do this.





	footnote

there’s no music, but zitao’s hands are on junmyeon’s waist as they sway all the same.

 

this may be the last time they do this — zitao will be back in qingdao in 13 hours, his adventures in seoul will be behind him, and maybe he’ll forget about them. junmyeon, he kisses zitao like maybe if he tries hard enough, this past month will be seared into zitao’s brain. because junmyeon — junmyeon fell in love with zitao in just those 30 days, and the idea of zitao forgetting him is heartbreaking.

 

zitao is the most beautiful thing to ever happen to junmyeon. nobody has ever made flowers bloom in junmyeon’s heart like he has, nobody has set off fireworks in junmyeon’s veins like he has, nobody has made junmyeon feel so  _ alive.  _ and junmyeon tells him, but he always, always reminds junmyeon that  _ i’m leaving, you can’t love me, i’m leaving.  _

 

but junmyeon knows — deep in his heart, he  _ knows _ — zitao loves him too. he can deny it, he can say that it’s stupid and useless and it won’t matter because he’s  _ leaving,  _ but junmyeon knows. the way zitao’s eyes sparkle, the way he cradles junmyeon’s head in his hands like he’s the entire world, it’s telling enough.

 

“stop thinking, myeon. let’s just pretend we can stay here, in this moment, forever,” zitao says, and junmyeon wants to tell him that playing pretend is for little kids, but the idea of staying here forever is so comforting, so he can’t. he wants to stay here forever, wants to tell zitao to  _ forget qingdao, stay here, love me in seoul, don’t  _ fucking  _ leave. _

 

he can’t, though, so he’ll play pretend. “okay, zi,” he says, and leans forward to rest his forehead on zitao’s shoulder. zitao’s arms snake up from his waist, settle higher across his back to pull junmyeon closer. he’s so  _ warm,  _ and junmyeon closes his eyes, willing himself not to cry at the feeling of being held by his  _ love  _ — his love that will be on a plane in 11 hours, in qingdao in 13, making new memories and forgetting old ones.

 

as if zitao is a mindreader, he says, “you will not be a forgotten memory to me, junmyeon. you will not be a footnote in the story of my life. we’ll see eachother again.”

 

“will you love me, then?” junmyeon asks, unthinking.  _ won’t you love me, now? won’t you stay?  _ he feels zitao tense up, curl up in the way that zitao does, right when he’s about to burst. but the tears don’t come — not now, anyway. maybe when junmyeon sees him off in the airport, they will. and junmyeon will kiss the tears off his face, kiss him until he’s sure that zitao will remember him.

 

zitao doesn’t answer that, not that junmyeon expected him to, but he presses junmyeon even closer to his body, and maybe that’s his answer. finally, junmyeon lets his tears fall silently, taking in the way zitao holds him because it will be the last time for a long time. maybe forever, because things change and life happens and this could be the last time they even see eachother and — no,  _ fuck  _ no. junmyeon takes a deep breath and shakes the thought away. he believes zitao — believes that they’ll see eachother again.

 

“we should sleep soon,” zitao suggests, and junmyeon doesn’t miss the way his voice wavers. his hands move off of junmyeon’s back, down to rest at his waist. junmyeon steps back, and zitao dips to kiss him, gentle as ever. he rests his head on junmyeon’s forehead when he pulls away, his eyes searching junmyeon’s. he must spot the tear tracks on his face, because he says, “don’t cry for me.”

 

“easier said than done,” junmyeon says. zitao wipes at junmyeon’s cheek with one hand. junmyeon feels himself tearing up again at the gesture, and zitao laughs at him breathily. he tries not to think about how he won’t wake up to zitao tomorrow, tries not to think about how he’ll be an ocean away in 13 hours.

 

he kisses him again, and again as they fall into bed, and again until they fall asleep in eachother’s arms. junmyeon dreams of a chain link fence, zitao on the other side clear as day, and he runs to the fence, only for it to get further and further away until junmyeon can’t run anymore.

 

“myeon, we have to get going.”

 

so this is when junmyeon says goodbye for some indefinite about of time. until zitao shows up at his door again, makes junmyeon fall for him again, if junmyeon ever stops. the airport is only thirty minutes away, and zitao’s flight is in an hour.

 

junmyeon sits up, tugs zitao down by his shirt to kiss him again, and again, and again. maybe they could have a repeat of last night, and zitao can sleep through his flight. “we can wait a few minutes, zi, can’t we? i don’t want to let you go just yet.”

 

“you’ll always have me,” zitao replies, without a moment’s hesitation. “it’s only been a month, junmyeon, and you have me.”

 

he tugs junmyeon closer again, kisses him again, holds him again. and maybe he’s doing the same thing that junmyeon does — kissing him like it will seal the memories of this month into his brain. as if junmyeon could ever forget.

 

the airport is cold, but zitao is warm and junmyeon uses that excuse to hug him a thousand times before zitao has to board his flight. zitao does cry, this time. short, quiet sobs, and tears that fall down his face. junmyeon always hated seeing him cry, and god knows he’s seen it enough. when they see eachother again, he’ll probably cry again, and junmyeon will too.

 

junmyeon keeps the promise that he made to himself, kisses zitao’s cheeks and his forehead and his nose until zitao is no longer crying, but laughing. he kisses him, even though they’re in a crowded airport undoubtedly full of people that think they’re disgusting. it doesn’t matter, because junmyeon loves him, and he’s going to express it however he can.

 

there’s one last call for zitao’s flight, and junmyeon lets him go. 

**Author's Note:**

> sorry this is just... bleh... :P kinda hate this


End file.
